LIVETNN Town Hall2:05 AM

Thank you, thank you. Please, hold your applause. No, really, hold it. My people will tell you when.

Gov. Biff Cankle

Citizens for Stuff“Because someone has to.”

Breaking

CANDIDATE TAKES THE STAGE; AUDIENCE CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTICCANKLE VOWS: MAKING IT A MISDEMEANOR TO MICROWAVE FISH IN A SHARED KITCHENPOLL: 46% APPROVE, 54% "WHO?"CITIZENS FOR STUFF CONFIRMS IT IS, IN FACT, A PARTYCANKLE ON RECORD: REQUIRING ALL PRESS CONFERENCES TO INCLUDE ONE HONEST ANSWERFACT-CHECKERS REQUEST HAZARD PAYQUESTIONS ANSWERED TONIGHT: 0CANKLE PLEDGES: REPLACING TRAFFIC LIGHTS WITH A COMMUNITY HONOR SYSTEMLOCAL MAN STILL WAITING FOR ANSWERINSIDERS: CANKLE "VERY PASSIONATE" ABOUT TAX CREDITS FOR PEOPLE WHO USE THEIR TURN SIGNAL CONSISTENTLYCANDIDATE TAKES THE STAGE; AUDIENCE CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTICCANKLE VOWS: MAKING IT A MISDEMEANOR TO MICROWAVE FISH IN A SHARED KITCHENPOLL: 46% APPROVE, 54% "WHO?"CITIZENS FOR STUFF CONFIRMS IT IS, IN FACT, A PARTYCANKLE ON RECORD: REQUIRING ALL PRESS CONFERENCES TO INCLUDE ONE HONEST ANSWERFACT-CHECKERS REQUEST HAZARD PAYQUESTIONS ANSWERED TONIGHT: 0CANKLE PLEDGES: REPLACING TRAFFIC LIGHTS WITH A COMMUNITY HONOR SYSTEMLOCAL MAN STILL WAITING FOR ANSWERINSIDERS: CANKLE "VERY PASSIONATE" ABOUT TAX CREDITS FOR PEOPLE WHO USE THEIR TURN SIGNAL CONSISTENTLY

Paid for by Citizens for Cankle. This politician is fictional. Any resemblance to actual politicians is entirely the point.